My name is Megan. I am a mom to 2 kids, stepmom, a wife, and I’m 38 years old.
I was never an athlete growing up and was very resistant to engaging in any type of workout. Aside from lacking interest, I just couldn’t see the point in making the time to exercise when I always had much more important things going on. All of that came to a halt when I had my first panic attack and then my second and then, well you get the point. It wasn’t long before I lost myself to an even darker place than ever before; a place where I never felt like I had anything to grasp onto when I finally agreed (kicking and screaming) to go to the gym with my sister. A month later, a fire was burning inside of me; I felt awakened and alive.
I began this fitness journey 5 years ago. It’s been a progressive one, with twists and turns, ups and downs, fits of rage, fits of supreme happiness, dealing with anxiety and panic disorder, sleepless nights, thoughts of suicide, severe depression that would confine me to my bed and drift into a sleep induced coma. I’ve been fighting to stay alive.
And I’ve been fighting to be a good mother and a good wife.
But the role of being all of those things have never been clear to me.
Finding fitness in the midst of all my angst, depression, downfalls and triumphs, has been my saving grace. It has been what has kept me going, standing here and allowing me to continue to laugh, love, and live.
It has allowed me to find my purpose.
I’ve competed, but I did it while I was still vulnerable and the wounds were not yet scars, in fact, they were very much wide open, and it was while I was still trying to understand this disorder, this mental disease that infilterated my mind. I wasn’t complete, I wasn’t whole, competing wasn’t making me stronger, it was only destroying me.
But only because I placed my entire worth on being a figure competitor
I stopped competing, For now.
But I never gave up on my passion for lifting heavy ass weights. Feeling the connection between my mind and my muscle was like closing the gap and stopping the bleeding.
Not only has fitness strengthened my body, it has strengthened my mind and saved my life.
Watching my body transform over the years and reflecting how with each year, with each tiny transformation; each small change, whether it was getting faster or stronger, I was experiencing growth in and outside of my training.
I was able to apply the strength and perseverance that I found inside of my training to my relationships between my family, my friends, and most importantly, a person I struggled being around my entire life, myself. I was getting to know her. Find her and reach out to her in ways I never knew how to before.
I was finally beginning to love her.
Before my fitness journey: