Taking the Mask off Confidence

I remember when I used to go out a lot. I used to love to drink; get drunk and smoke cigarettes (also known as a social smoker). I used to love going out all the time and spending the next day in bed with a major hangover. I used to be in love with what I felt gave me confidence at the time. I never once thought about my health. Nothing really mattered. I was living my life, but I wasn’t really living it.

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Left and Right Picture: 2/4/2014  

Middle Picture: 7/2006

And while some of the greatest memories stem from those days, I look back at this picture and see someone who may have seemed confident or not so awkward. I just didn’t have time to dwell on anything; I didn’t want to. Besides, that’s just what confidence was for me; that’s what I understood it to mean.

Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with having a drink with friends or family, going out to dinner etc, but this is just my story; my version.

While I have grown up, (and the bathing suits might have gotten a tad smaller), I am still searching for confidence; I am still searching everyday for the true meaning of what it means to walk with pride, and trying to process what it truly entails. And even when I think I truly understand it, I am left to try to come to terms with it. You know, face it without the alcohol and horrible hangovers? It’s hard to push past boundaries and leave your comfort zone behind, but the only way I know how is to just face it.

Maybe you can relate. Or maybe you have a different version of what confidence means to you, and how it has changed throughout different parts of your life. If so, I’d like to hear it.

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